Good news is I've FINALLY finished the partial of the mss aimed at Modern Heat, which I hope to submit to Richmond very soon!
I've been really lucky to have the delightful Rachel Bailey and the lovely Anna Cleary look over my chapter. Rachel founds some holes in conflict, which I've hopefully now fixed and Anna thought my lovely hero could be more MENACING!!!
I agree! And I've so I've been asking my crit partners, when they read my partial, to look out for parts where my hero is not Alpha enough and parts where I could really make him more so.
Much of chapter two is spent at my hero's family's Christmas party - he DOES NOT want to be there - and in it, he grudgingly enjoys pretend tea with his nieces using the toy tea set he gave them for Christmas. So... my question is, can an Alpha Male, who doesn't want to have kids or really spend much time with his family, swallow his discomfort and play Barbies or drink tea with his nieces? Or does that make him just too adorable!?
Would love to hear your thoughts!!!
:)
13 comments:
YAY on finishing your chapter Rach. I'm so pleased to hear it. Good luck with the submission. :)
I'm hoping some others with more expertise in the alpha male area comment here - as they are a creature that totally perplex me. But, for what its worth, my feeling is that he wouldn't play barbies. That he'd get out of it somehow, or avoid the situation.
Hmm, its a tricky one.
Cait
Just to be a contrarian (sorry Cait), his playing Barbies could be the 'save the cat' moment you need. If you really boost up the alpha quotient throughout the book, you need some redeeming quality in him to make us still like him (I'm really not an alpha fan!). Even though he plays unwillingly, and probably makes a bunch of smart-arse remarks while he's playing, the fact that he's doing it reveals a part of his character that he usually keeps under wraps. Plus, you could really have fun with it and get a lot of tongue-in-cheek dialogue/subtext type of remarks in, which is one of the great attractions of the Mod Heat line for me. Just my two bob!
Kirst
Yeah, I'm with Kirsty, I think he'd do it. He would be confident enough in himself to be able to pull it off and since being protective is definitely an alpha quality, he'd have no problem with it. In fact, since he doesn't want to spend time with his family, distracting himself by playing with the the kids instead would be a great thing!
Hi Rachael, newbie to your blog...
As a reader (and this must count for something), I love a multifaceted/layered hero as opposed to a strictly Alpha male who can't see beyond his needs. As a writer, I enjoy putting the hero in a different environment/situation which will show a contrast in his character or in the way he's been behaving towards the heroine. I keep thinking of the JFK photo taken in the Oval office with his son playing at his feet/under his desk. Now you've put the image of a hero surrounded by kiddies at a pretend tea party in my mind. The visual is great! Hope nothing spills on his handmade loafers! ;-)
I picture him doing this, but feeling uncomfortable in the role. You could really play up his internal thoughts here, giving the readers more understanding of him as an alpha, and why he's one =)
I love the whole scene! I want your manuscript! I'm with Jackie though I think he'd totally pull it off!
In my head, he wouldn't be thinking about what he's doing with his hands and the dolls, he's probably mapping an escape route or calculating exactly how long it is until he can leave and he'd be doing it with dark humor - sexy, sexy man.
Hi Rach,
I'm a little with Cait. I think he wouldn't actually play Barbies, what guy would?
He could play with them in a pool, kick a ball around but no Barbies. Afterall an Alpha is purely that- Alpha. I don't think this is would be an Alpha roll. :)
Hi Rach - Yep I too think he'll do it. I like the suggestions that he'll either feel uncomfortable or he'll distract himself with the kiddies instead of the adults I can see him doing either...
It's the right kind of adorable, especially if he's alpha. But it would work best if he's forced into it somehow--I can't see him volunteering unless he's getting something out of it. Congrats on the partial.
Ooh thank you all you wise and wonderful women. You all make very good points!! And Sami - he IS forced into it - lol!!!
You've all given me some things to seriously think about when editing and hopefully enhancing this section!
Guess it shows how everyone's idea of an alpha and what they like or dislike is VERY different!!!
What a great debate!
Now... wonder what other things we can come up with that an alpha male would or WOULDN'T do!!
I think you could have great fun with him making cars out of roller skates for the barbies to ride around in. Something my Dad did for me when I was a kid and he was a 'I don't want to do this' alpha!
I love the idea of him playing Barbies, especially if he finds it excruciating and it would mean his nieces would be hurt if he didn't.
From my (probably very poor)understanding, alphas are proud and value their dignity but they can be selfless when needed.
As for what else an alpha wouldn't do.....Would an alpha bake biscuits? Make mud pies? Have snail races? Hunt for tadpoles? Play Wii? Sing Incy Wincy Spider complete with hand movements? Dance to the Wiggles?
I'd say the tea party but NO to the Barbies if you're writing a Modern or Desire.
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